My Tinder Date Body Shaming Story: Why You Shouldn’t Let His Words Affect You

If you follow me on Instagram you already know what today’s post is about. If you don’t (shame on you! lol go follow me! @ruthiefonseca) you are in for one hell of a story!

Let’s take it back to mid January when I matched on Tinder with a guy named Michael. Right off the bat I was excited, cause he was gorgeous, with the kind of smile that will make any girl weak at the knees (lesson learned, never judge a book by its cover!), even better he actually messaged me first. We exchanged a few texts, some which raised some red flags, but hey he was interested in me so I ignored them. After a few days he casually asked me out, however I already had plans on that day and couldn’t. After a few more generic texts, he disappeared. I thought, here goes another guy ghosting me! So when he texted me again (from a new number) last week I was excited. He explained that he had gotten a new number and we started texting back and forth again. Once again he asked me out and we made plans for this past Wednesday and decided to go to a trendy bar near Winter Park. On Wednesday morning he texted me like always and everything seemed great. I changed the location of the date, because the original location would be to busy and asked him what time we should meet. Let me just say I have already been stood up twice by Tinder dates (maybe I should just stop using the app) so I am super skeptical by now and never believe a date is actually going to happen. He responded saying “I get out of work at 6:30, need to go home, shower and change, so let’s do 8pm”, perfect it looks like this is actually going to happen!

Around 4:00pm I received a text with a picture of him, a mirror selfie he had just taken at work, with a text that said “send a full body pic”. This should have been the moment that I vowed out, as it immediately seemed fishy to me. Why would he need a full body pic of me if there are plenty on my dating profile. But hesitantly I sent one back and his response was “Nice and Curvy”, not bad right?

Now its 6:59pm, I was in Winter Park with a friend and decided to text Michael, to let me know when he was on his way so I could head downtown. The following screenshots are from the conversation that followed (Warning: It’s not pretty!).

Some might think that my response was a little harsh, hey maybe he really did have a migraine! But hear me out, and ladies this is specially for you, since we tend to give guys the benefit of the doubt way to often! A migraine doesn’t pop up out of nowhere, if he wasn’t feeling well when he left work he should have called me at that point and say he needed to reschedule. If I had not texted asking him to tell me when he was on his way, would he have even let me know he was not coming? We deserve better, we deserve someone that will care enough to call us and give us a legit explanation. I will admit I was disappointed and a little hurt at first, because I was actually excited to meet this guy. I thought he wouldn’t reply to my text, most guys at this point would just ghost you or leave it at that, boy was I wrong. At 11:26pm I received this little gem:

 

20min later, I received this follow up text, weirdly enough from a different phone number:

 

Most girls would take offense to this, get extremely hurt and let it affect them, but this my friends is where my self-confidence kicks in. Let’s be honest, I know I am not a size 0, however I am in no way, shape or form, ashamed of my size, and I happen to believe I am one hot piece of ass, but more importantly, one hell of a catch. When I read this text I actually laughed out loud, because for someone that “doesn’t want to be seen with me” he sure did take offense to my text putting him in his place for cancelling on me. His words towards me say absolutely nothing about me, but say the world about him. The fact that any person would have the audacity to speak to another human being that way is baffling. So ladies, here is a breakdown of why you should never take offense to being body shammed:

• He clearly got his own feelings hurt, otherwise, why would he not only write the first message, but then take the time to text me again from another phone number and go deeper into his rant? He didn’t like that a female put him in his place and his ego got hurt, so he had to do the only thing he could think of to hurt me back, body shame me. Little did he know that he was dealing with a bad ass bitch!
• A message like this speaks volumes about the person he is, I DODGED A HUGE BULLET! If he is willing to talk to me like that and he has never even met me, imagine what he is capable of once we actually know each other.
• Don’t concentrate on the words he writes, but in the message behind them. I don’t see him saying I have 10 chins (which by the way, I only have 2…lol). I see someone that is insecure in himself, someone that can’t believe someone like me (a curvy girl that doesn’t fit society’s or his standards) put him in his place and didn’t let him get away with a lame ass excuse for cancelling.
• Only an angry person writes with such rage, because that is what I read, rage. Imagine how ashamed this guys mom would be if she read these messages. This goes out to all guys out there, treat women the way you would want your mom, sister or daughter treated, and if this is it, I really hope this person never procreates.
• Know your worth! The key to any relationship to be successful is self love. If you are looking for someone else to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself that is your first mistake. You need to learn to love who you are, in order to let someone else come in and appreciate who you are.
• Listed to your instincts, I didn’t. From the beginning there were many red flags that I ignored, because I was looking forward to actually going out on a date. No man is worth your time if they are not going to 100% respect you from the get go! Don’t be afraid to say no, to call someone out on their BS and stand up for yourself.

Many have asked me for his number, or to post his picture and information, and trust me I have thought about it, however a person like that is not worth my time, or space in my social media platforms. Life will kick him in the ass at some point, because trust me what goes around comes around and my friend Karma is a major bitch!

darling, not everyone who promises you love deserves your energy. feel no guilt for caution or selectivity. you don’t have to let everyone explore the chapters within you. you can wait for a lover literate enough to read you, and delicate enough to flip the pages in your soul. @iambrillyant

 

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